Through our many years together I have come to the understanding that Halloween is a holiday that humans like to celebrate. However, I have a few bones to pick with you regarding my treatment during your festive celebrations.
First off, you enjoying baking fabulous treats for you and your guests and yet you are all selfish enough not to share with me. Why? Does my overly practiced cute face no longer have an effect on you?
Second, you begin dressing up and behaving in crazy ways that makes it hard for me to recognize you. And yet I get yelled at for barking. Am I not taught to bark at strangers or weird looking people to keep you safe?
Thirdly, while I understand your guests for these events need to have proper seating, I do not feel that ‘my chair’ is an acceptable place for their behinds. I have sniffed many of butts and can tell you there are very few I want in my space. Please direct them elsewhere for seating options.
And finally, these celebrations are about you and your friends having a good time with one another. I see no point in bringing me into the equation. That means that unnecessary outfits or costumes for me only serve to humiliate me and assist in making me the laughing stock of the entire neighborhood. Would you please cease this useless exercise?
In conclusion, I would like to be righted for all the wrong doings. I will accept five of your home baked treats, unlimited barking rights to those who look funny to me, my chair to be left for ME and of course no costumes/outfits of any kind (unless of course it’s very cold outside and I require a jacket to prevent shaking). Your cooperation on this matter is greatly appreciated.
Your son aka Bailey Bear
p.s. Happy Halloween everybody!