If you’re moving on from a failed relationship, or the loss of a partner in your life, re-establishing your residence can be one of the best things to signify a new start. Where do you begin?Well, I know I was told (by many well-meaning friends and family) NOT to make any big decisions for the first year or two after my husband’s untimely passing. He was 41 and we had been married just shy of 18 years. With two young boys, three businesses and the loss of a spouse, partner and friend, delaying major decisions was not an option for me. I had to move on. Still, I probably lacked the clarity that comes from navigating the waters on your own for five years, as I have now.
One of my biggest escapes from the crushing reality back then was looking at houses. I would fantasize that a new environment would put my newly revised family on a path to a better life. I imagined happier memories to replace the pain, regret and anger that besieged us. Another factor in all this, was that deciding where to replant our family was one small thing I COULD control, to some degree, after a series of events that I had absolutely NO say in.
Experiencing divorce or separation is also a death in many ways. It’s healthy to grieve but its also healthy to look at the opportunity for growth. Even as I was reeling from the loss, I found comfort that I could start over in a place without the stronghold of sad reminders. In doing so, I felt empowered. And in a broader sense, I was re-inventing my entire life.
On a practical level, it might be smart to heed the aforementioned unsolicited advice of friends and family when it comes to making rash decisions. Selling or buying a home is a MAJOR commitment. And moving is inconvenient at best! In hindsight, I have to admit, if I had acted upon my impulses to relocate, I may have purchased beyond my means. The idea of a one income family still hand’t sunk in back when my dream homes hit the market.
Personally, I waited almost five years to move. I am grateful that I stayed planted a little longer because I needed to grow.
For many, however, the need or desire to move is a pre-requisite due to divorce.
Here are Five Tips When Making a Move:
- Try to stay unemotional when making MAJOR financial decisions. What you want now many be different 6 months down the road.
- Don’t Rush It. If you can stay put and explore your options, do so! Moving is costly and you probably do not want to add another of the’ Top Ten All Time Possible Stressors” to your list. Divorce, separation or loss of a loved one is probably enough.
- Be realistic. If you could barely afford your humble abode when you were a couple, chances are, you will be strapped for cash if you go it alone. That is no fun. You don’t need more stress right now.
- Budget Wisely. If you’re buying, selling or renting consider your needs NOW and not what you expect to earn or would like to live in 5 years from now. You will never regret having a payment you can afford.
- Create and Pick a Positive and Healthy Environment. Never under estimate the effect of your environment. If you’re stuck in a dismal rental, drab colors may bring you down. Likewise, the place you shared with your ex and the furnishings you acquired together could be as toxic to your health as a case of black mold!
Remember that small changes can reap big benefits when it comes to adding a little color. Pillows, throws or even a special bouquet delivery from you, to you, can work wonders.